NBC-10-Philadelphia-kimwolterman

Today is a sad day in our family, as we should have been rejoicing the birth of a new baby girl. This was my niece's due date. Instead little Merida died during the beginning of the 5th month of pregnancy. No reason that anyone can see; she was perfectly formed when they forced the delivery back in June. It is impossible to understand. My niece has been taking it very hard, which is totally understandable. We live a great distance apart so I have been limited in the support I can offer. My thoughts and prayers have been with her and her family every single day. But on this hardest of all days I wrote a poem for Merida and posted it on my niece's Facebook wall.

Today is the birthday of my nephew, David. He would have turned 21 today, had he not suddenly passed away in January. I know this will be a hard day for my brother and his family. The "firsts" are always tough when someone dies. Birthdays, holidays, anniversaries, whatever...we are reminded that we will never share them again with our loved one. And so I think and pray today for my brother, his family and all of us who knew David. And I take comfort from the lyrics of a song written and performed by Miley Cyrus.

David 1992

I miss you
I miss your smile
And I still shed a tear
Every once in a while
And even though it's different now
You're still here somehow
My heart won't let you go
And I need you to know
I miss you, sha la la la la
I miss you

A week ago Saturday my brother's 20 year old son died suddenly. This is the same brother who lost his wife to cancer 11 years ago, leaving him with 3 small children to raise. My brother happily remarried two years ago, but due to scheduling conflicts we had not yet met his new wife. What a tragic reason for bringing all of us together! Jim and I flew out to Colorado on Tuesday as the funeral was going to be held on Wednesday morning. All of my other siblings arrived that day as well, and we stayed at the same hotel. We have not been together since my son's wedding 4 1/2 years ago, which is the last time that most of us had seen my nephew.

The funeral was very sad, but the priests did a really nice job of making it personal for the family and trying to make sense out of a senseless situation. After the Mass there was a reception (odd word choice for something following a funeral) downstairs at the church. My nephew's artwork was prominently displayed, and boy did he ever have some talent! They also were playing a slide show timed to music, which was both hard to watch and yet somewhat soul soothing.

Later in the day we all met up at my brother's house as people had been bringing lots of food by. It was nice to be able to spend time with my family as well as with the family of my sister-in-law. I am so happy that my brother has another wonderful woman in his life, and it is clear that the girls love and respect her.

On Thursday Jim and I flew to Los Angeles to see Katie. That part of the trip had been previously planned, and after some discussion we decided to go ahead with our visit. I really needed to hug my 21 year old.

Last Saturday my mother-in-law's sister died up in Minnesota. This was her last living sibling, and I can't begin to imagine how it would feel to be the only person left in your family. The private family wake was on Friday and the public wake and funeral were on Saturday. Jim was asked to be a pallbearer, and he was honored to take part. I did not travel with him for two reasons. First, the lady who stays with our dog has broken her foot and can't take care of any pets right now, and second we are traveling up to Iowa next weekend for my in-law's 60th wedding anniversary. I just couldn't see making two trips in a row, especially since I had to go to Cincinnati recently for my uncle's funeral.

This trip was a brutal one. Thursday he drove to Iowa, then Friday they drove to Minnesota, Saturday back to Iowa and today back to St. Louis. We did that same trip a couple summers ago for a family reunion and it was not pretty. I feel somewhat guilty that I didn't make the trip, but my body thanks me.

So that is two deaths quite close together. They say death comes in threes. Hopefully that does not end up to be the case.

Today my uncle Mick died. He was the youngest of eight children in my mom's family. His twin brother Jim died in 2008. Now only Betty and Margie remain. We have not yet heard how Mick died, only that his son and daughter-in-law found him in his screened-in porch. It was cold in Cincinnati today, so it is strange that he was even out there. Mick was a very young nearly 82 year-old. He was active as a docent with the historical museum downtown, conducted tours of Cincinnati, and was instrumental (pardon the pun) in the restoration of the organ at historic (1842) Old St. Mary's Church. He also liked to travel, and was scheduled to go to Cancun next week with another widowed friend.

It is ironic because I have been scanning old photos and documents and putting them into my online family tree. But I have also been posting pictures up on Facebook for my family to enjoy. Last night I added photos from the 2008 and 2011 family reunions. Uncle Jim is in a couple of the ones from 2008, and Uncle Mick in some from 2011. One of my cousins commented that there were only the three siblings left. Now there are only two.

I don't know if I will be able to attend the funeral. We don't know the arrangements yet. But I know that Kathy cannot go with me due to her shoulder injury. She simply cannot ride in a car that long. Or miss physical therapy for that matter. I'll have to decide if I want to make the six hour drive by myself. But I would like the opportunity to see my aunts and my cousins. Because it is all too sad that it seems to take a funeral to get us all together. Even the family reunions don't see to do it anymore. RIP, Uncle Mick!

Aunt Betty, Uncle Mick & Aunt Margie

Have you ever had one of those weekends where you feel like you are in another dimension? First of all, I picked up my husband's cold last week, and it seemed to crest over the weekend. Both of us took afternoon naps on Saturday and Sunday. Sunday afternoon we attended a visitation for a friend who died on Thursday. We came to know Bill through his sister, Judy. We hired Judy when Katie was six weeks old and I returned to work from maternity leave. She took care of Katie and Andy until Katie entered first grade.At that point I quit my 15 year job as vice president in an insurance company and went to work for our composting company.

Judy, however, very much remained a part of our lives. She continued to come and stay with the kids when Jim and I traveled, and later took care of our final baby, Kirby the cockapoo. She had moved in with her brother after their mom died 13 years ago, and they were best friends as well as siblings. And they were very much surrogate grandparents to our children as neither my folks or Jim's lived in St. Louis.

Bill was a sweet, gentle man who always had a twinkle in his eye. He loved his children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren. He had a special place in his heart for my Katie. I think he may have more video footage of her than we do. She is just sick that she couldn't be here for the funeral, but she has mid-terms this week and will be heading home on Thursday for spring break. One of the first things she'll do when she gets home is go and see Judy.

I'm very worried about what will happen to Judy. They have her medicated since she was having panic attacks when told that Bill's cancer was terminal. She cannot afford the house they lived in, and I'm not even sure that her name is on the deed along with Bill's. While she does have a husband, they have been estranged for 15 years and they never had any children. She only gets $400 a month from social security. Who can live on that? Hopefully one of her sisters or nieces/nephews will offer to take her in. Losing her brother/best friend and losing her house - that sucks!

We learned today of the death of Paul Gassman. Gus, as he was called by the Alph Sigs, was a fraternity brother of Jim's at Iowa State. They were in the same pledge class, and I became a Little Sister of the house the same year. Paul was always full of life and fun, with joy bursting from within every time he opened his mouth. A deeply religious man, he was a great student despite majoring in the tough curriculum of mechanical engineering. He married a girl from the pom pom squad immediately following graduation, and they had a son nine months later. When she inexplicably left him two years later, we were all stunned. He was handsome, built, had a great job and was truly the nicest person I have ever known. What's not to love?

Luckily he met Crystal some years later, and they married and had two little girls, who I think are now about 9 and 11. My brother's wife died when their children were 3, 6 and 9 so I know what a tough road Crystal has ahead of her. I don't understand why the truly beautiful people of the world have to die and the people that are ugly inside and out go on existing. My thoughts and prayers are with the Gassman family as they try to make sense of something that clearly seems nonsensical.